Maybe my favorite thing about my proffession is that almost every day can be a different day, that is every single day is usually destined to be not exactly the same as its predecessor. Usually. The last two days have been different, different because they were exactly the same (I am confusing myself too). They have been grueling. I have been in a very small room with very poorly dressed Arborist from various parts of New York and New Jersey. There are more bad haircuts in this room, pound for pound, than a Scorpions concert. The goal of this meeting-of-the-minds is certification training for public health liscensing blah blah blah. What it boils down to is a maticulous, page by page, reading of the certification manual by a man with the Ben Stein "Bueller" voice who is determined not to leave out any exciting detail of subjects as riveting as mosquitos, ticks, venomous anthropods, vertebrate pest, or Bionomics. I may have made a poor life decision at some point. Regardless, I have broken down my NCAA bracket in ways ESPN, CBS, and hardcore bracketologist anywhere have never dreamed of today. And Disco, I apologize, I see little hope for the herps.
For those of you who don't know much about Malaria I am now an expert and scared sh*tless. I also suffered a sever case of the "willies" in compilation with mild symptoms of the "heebie-jeebies" while becoming an expert on chiggers, lice, fleas, and especially myiasis. What is Myiasis you ask? Myiasis is an infection to animals, INCLUDING HUMANS, by living maggots deposited in the skin or in a wound by flies (Good bye to half of the readers, thanks for coming!). This means a f*cking bug grows in you. THREE people in the room had stories of people in their lives who experienced this. 3. I may have made a poor life decision at some point.
I used to laugh at Keightley's acquisition of lyme disease, and honestly I still do....I just hope not to contract that disease after being scared straight today. Speaking of Keightley, I also laugh at how he went crazy while hiking the Appalachaian trail solo, how he insistanlty pursued, aggressively, ladies when intoxicated (even strangers at rock shows, unreal), and how he treated Eliza and Rocco. I laugh cause it's easier to, its just easier to shrug it off with a laugh. Where was I?
I can only spend so much time analyzing UCLA's chances of beating NOVA in Philly, or wishing I was already in Vegas (and that my wallet was ready...come get your whooping), or stepping outside pretending to take calls from clients to grab a breath of precious fresh air. I have now taken to scrolling through the manual for band names and I have come across some f*cking bangers....
Cryptococcosis (trust me when spoken it sounds awesome), Mangrove Swamp, Scutum, Delusory parasites, Secondary Infection, Phylum Cordata (humans are in theis phylum...fyi), dead-end hosts, Oviposition trap, or Latriodectus mactans (its latin for black widow).
One of these days one of fictional band becomes reality, this real band will get its break, and we all win the pipe dream lottery!!
So, I would like to extend an invitation to join my newest side project, germ-laden saliva, to all of you. I am going to need two drummers (you know who you are) and I will sit in sometimes with my bloody snare. Im feeling Bobbi on bass (Bob-bass...brilliant), Miller on banjo (why do I feel he can shred one), and I will play psych rock guitar while TY rips his guitar hero ax to the whole thing. I hope all the ladies in the house will sing backup to Prince and Ritz's jewel dropping and you know Teddy LV is writing all the lyrics and choreographing the whole thing. Lets do this. FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK!
5 comments:
dead end hosts
So, while I was in Nicaragua contracting Delusory Parasites, I had a conversation with Tibb's then girl friend. She was a particularly well traveled Canadian who probably has had her fair share of scutum, and she told me about one of her traveling buddies, (I know this is a touch removed but...) he contracted a face maggot. While in India on a volunteer farming program he took a sip out of some water in a brook. Shortly thereafter he felt his left nasal passage block, like he had a cold, but only on one side. The he noticed that something would stick out of his nose from time to time and finally he went to a hospital. The Dr. told him that he had a giant parasite maggot thing that had grown to a large size in his nasal passageway. Yes. IN HIS NASAL PASSAGEWAY. The Dr. warned him that trying to remove it by pulling it out could result in the maggot rupturing and potentially filling his face with baby maggot eggs. The Dr. told him to come back later as he needed to consult people. This face maggoty human then proceeded to the farm where he was supposed to be volunteering and explained his situation to the farmer. The farmer said that horses get that all the time and this is how these water maggot parasites get from stream to stream, and all this face maggot guy had to do was put his face in a bowl of water. He did, and the big long face maggot coiled out into the bowl. Then Trash Nugget ordered a super rare steak and a plate of veggies washing it down with Nicaraguan water, and came home happy. I starved for the duration of the trip and came home with a delusary parasite.
True Story.
Face Maggot should be the name of the first track.
My home is littered with broken banjos that couldn't hold up to the constant and lighting like shredding. Some are stacked three high in the corners. Pick on.
You just One-up'd (a hardcore more) my gross story ADAD....the whole face in water thing kinda f*cks me up. I got a weak stomach (shocking!)
Face maggot is the first track, face maggot reprise is the last.
I once had a piece of Fuddruckers cheeseburger stuck in my sinus for months. It was Face-Maggot -esque
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