Self Realization

As my life continues to evolve, I am becoming more aware of who I am. Little quirks or habits I have maintained my whole life have become the object of internal examination of late. It is true that we are all the sum of our parts, and often these seemingly small facets of our life speak to the composition of our soul...

Defense Mechanisms

As I was waiting for a traffic lite to turn, I found myself staring at the direction of the light although not focusing on anything particuar. I remained like this for a minute or so and thought, 'what the hell was that?' I had no thoughts to speak of, no object to focus on, no song to analyze or sing to, etc. I was just there. I often get questioned, "what are you thinking of?" My ususal response is, "nothing, I guess." I realized this morning that this is a defense mechanism that I have used for years. I can sit and stare at a wall for minutes and not have a care in the world. This may be due to years of hard partying, although I can remember as a kid doing the same thing

Pleasure Receptors

Complaining feels good. Although frowned upon by society, I find myself complaining for various reasons. Often times, my complaint comes in the form of an uncomfortable look such as that if I were to be in vigorous exercise. In particular, this works well in the office and shows your co-works how stressed you are. Also, I think I complain to try and define myself. This is often in the spirit of humor although many times it just shows how soft I am. Example: I do not like to walk. It makes me feel good to tell Jason how miserable I am when I am walking in the city. Then, when he is clearly suspecting I will begin to complain, I shrug it off and say, "no, it's a beautiful morning. Hey, want to get a cup of green tea?" It makes the whole experience much better because he is expecting a bitter Jeremy, and instead he has acquired a foot soldier.

There are all examples of the things I have thought about the past few hours about myself. I think it speaks to my usual habit of over-analyzing things, situations, and people. It also may be the reason I (as well as the rest of you) judge the hell out of everybody and everything. Not a fault, just a fact.

Your momma was an extra on the Simpsons.