Family of the year (again)

As I packed for New York (half in the bag from RTC car bombs and Patron) last night at 3AM, I was struck with a personal revelation about my friends the Principes. Although not a new concept, I found myself feeling as though I had finally understood the reasons why I never see them anymore, and why that was amazing.

Friendship can often be selfish. We call and see eachother when it is convenient and search for attention in various ways. I have known Steve at his worst and certainly at his best. We have navigated through the legal system together as well as committed numerous felonious acts that could just as easily had us in the poke for several years. We made an album together (a sick on at that) and I carried his father to his final resting place. I was there the night Xavier was born and spoiled Diego for the first few years of his life. I have wept on both sides of 6AM with him, primarily on laugh but at times on sad. He is my brother and I love him dearly.

Recently, I have found myself estranged from Steve. Not because of an incident (string cheese or other) or beef (joe). Rather, I realized last night that we are on opposite ends of the universe in terms of where we are in life. I get frustrated when I call him and he is busy with the family...I just want to get a bottle and cigar and sit on his porch. With a bob. And pomodoros. Ziti maybe. I always know and knew that he was a good father and that, ofcourse, family comes first. However, last night I it hit me like a ton of bricks because for the first time I actually was walking in his shoes. Picturing myself with a loving wife and mother and seeing those kids grow and develop into boys must be the shit that makes all this worth it. I was there brushing teeth, and cooking dinner, the whole thing.

I said to Steve, although he was not in the room, "I get it. I get man. Holy Shit." It was the most surreal shit in the world. I was totally at ease and felt gulity for harboring feelings of "what the fuck" when I could not meet him at the bar for a drink. Ofcouse he is not coming, you asshole, he is raising a god damn family and loving every minute of it (not every minute, but a lot I'm sure). I felt grateful for the times I do see him and completely remissed of all dismay on the days that we do not speak.

This is rambling...I apologize. But I just wanted to let steve, crisia, diego, and xavier that I get it. I really get it, and you should be proud that you have done what you did and continue to do. I will see you soon, and hope that a bottle, cigar, and rigorts and canorts are in the immediate future.

Super duper love always

Jeremy Allan Hager