spark that mutha fucka up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so i had the greatest gold outing of my life this weekend. it was friday am and i had just completed my work duties for the day. after picking up and ultimately dropping off one of my new clients from rikers island i had a decision to make. do i A) go home and take a nap B) go back to the office for a half day or C) get in 18 holes before enjoying the rest of the holiday weekend. of course i opted for option c. i drove a short way up to the pelham bay park section of the bronx in search of the split rock municipal golf course. after getting briefly turned around only to be assisted by a spirited and half cocked member of the greatest generation who happened to be sitting in a fold out lawn chair on the side of the road who continuously referred to me as "guy" i was on my way. i made my way to the pro shop and was informed i could get right out as there was a group of three on the first tee. i quickly hurried over to the tee box to find my playing partners for the day. this can often be an awkward experience for all parties involved. me, playing the role of the creepy single who has come to spoil all good times of the remaining players and them, the group of buddies who now half to deal with said creepy single. as it were, the introductions were cordial but brief. Billy, a 55 year old puerta rican mail sorter who was wearing a sleeveless tee shirt and brown, fleece pilly cargo short capris. Bill, an italian american who made his living selling powerful medical office equipment. and brian, a 30 something firefighter of irish decent. a mixed bag to be sure. my immediate thought was how the fuck did these guys know each other.

we were off. everyone got off the tee okay and we all made our way up the first fairway. Brian and I began to chat it up a bit and he informed me that they were the perfect guys to be playing with as they played split rock at least once a week and have been for ten years. as we made our way to the second hole, bill turned to me and offered me a beer from their cooler. contingent on the fact that i would repay them whatever i drank when we crossed paths with that most coveted of the golf god's creations, the cart girl. i agreed and popped open a Heineken keg can. as we prepared to tee of on a short 138 yd par three i noticed that bill was lighting up what appeared to be a joint. he noticed my noticing him and asked if i minded. i said of course not. at this point billy got super excited and started licking his proverbial lips in anticipation of hitting said joint. at this point bill warned him not to "nigga lip that shit as usual" billy seemd to take no offense and proceeded to hit it. Bill than asked me if i indulged and i figured with the long holiday weekend just getting it would be irresponsible not to. he did warn me to take it nice and easy as this "was some primo shit." i took a couple of small tugs off the thing and no sooner did billy offer me a sip of his water bottle. sensing that billy recognized that i had finished my beer and was in need of some refreshment i happily took the bottle ad took a man sized gulp. what i assumed to be SoBe life water turned out to be some kind of homemade hooch containing mostly rum. OUCH! i must say it woke me up a bit and i was ready to play. after a few cannonball jokes i stepped up and hit my best drive of they day. i turned to my new brethren in arms and let out "happy holidays boys" to the response of "wooohooooo!"

it was on his approach shot on the fourth hole that my love for billy was solidified. after sticking a 7 iron form about 160 out he let out a thunderous "dena dent dena dent" (the sports center theme music) . "top plays mutha fucka!!!!!!!" as the boys and i navigated the front 9 they began to really lay into each other. they were playing $10 skins and billy was apparently playing the golf of his life. on the 8th tee as he was addressing his ball, brian began to talk shit about how old he was and how he was around for the free love sixties. bill chimed in and asked him how old he was when he contracted his first case of chlamydia? brian quickly interjected that he believed it was herpes. Billy turned, finally acknowledging their barrage of insults to simply respond, "so what, im a carrier." WOW.

as we made the turn i picked up a sixer for the boys and we walked to the 10th tee. billy turned to bill and implored him to "Spark that mutha fucka up!!!!" bill obliged. so again we set off into 92 degree he completely stoned and half drunk. it was somewhere around the 13th hole that i learned the connection. Richie Lugo. apparently the Fourth member of the foursome was the genius who brought this seemingly unlikely threesome together. Richie, who just relocated to Fla earlier this year, new brian form the neighborhood, worked with bill, and was the second cousin of Billy's third wife. Richie was the glue. i also found out this this was only their third or fourth outing without him. the group was still trying to navigate the murky post richie lugo waters. i felt like i was temporary light house helping the boys catch their bearings. at one point the man legend himself called to check on the group. brian told him he was greatly missed and billy interrupted, fuck em, we got paul now!" i didnt really acknowledge the comment but i was truly touched. the round came to a fairly anticlimactic end after hitting a 15 ft par save billy turned to me and said, "i dont care what they say about on rikers, your okay by me" we all shook hands and briefly spoke about exchanging numbers for a future round, but it never happened. we all headed over to their one cart they split three ways and brian said to me, "hey why dont you hop on the back" so i did. we rode off into the sunset, the three of them squeezed on the front seat and me hanging on the back. pretty neat stuff.